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Surprising things I did while my baby was in the NICU

You don’t know what you don’t know… you know?
I’d never known anyone who had a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and I certainly didn’t plan on having a baby need the NICU… so it was uncharted territory for us. With September being NICU Awareness Month, I’ve been reflecting on my experience and found some of it surprising! While most of the blog posts here at Pump Momma Pump are designed as helpful guides, this post is more of a reflection of my own experience. But hey… if you’re a NICU momma or a new mom in general, some of it may resonate!

Find yourself needing advice for pumping in the NICU? This blog post may help!

Born a month early, my son aced the APGAR test right away but quickly developed jaundice and needed to spend 2 weeks in the NICU gaining the stamina and skills to nurse or bottle feed. During those two weeks, I did some pretty curious things… and didn’t do some things people would assume I should do.

Surprising things I did while he was in the NICU

Go grocery shopping

On the way home from the hospital, we went grocery shopping. I remember slowly shuffling through the store, careful not to disturb my painful stitches from my perineal tear. Why didn’t I go home to rest and send my husband? Or at least wait in the car? Silly of me. Hind site really is 20/20, isn’t it!

Bake a cake for my mother in law

Like what the actual…? I distinctly remember that my mother-in-law was coming to stay for a few days, so I thought I should bake a cake. Me. The one who just had a baby a few days ago… Like, what?! Why didn’t someone bake a cake for me? I’m still sore about that.
(My mother in law and I have a fabulous relationship, by the way…. still.)

Build a crib

I was in no condition to build a crib (okay, well, assemble a crib) Who let me do that?

Get a pedicure

A to-do list item in that last month before baby’s arrival was to get a pedicure. Since he arrived early, this didn’t happen in time. My husband even went with me! (though he didn’t get polish, lol) It felt indulgent at the time, but I am glad we did it! It was a nice distraction from the stress of the NIC

– Went to a rummage sale

Looking back on photos for this post, I just saw a picture of my mom and me at our local rummage sale. Totally forgot about that! I remember now, that my mom and I visited my son in the NICU, then went to Panera for lunch, and shopped at the rummage sale. I even have a necklace on?! Boy I was really livin’ it up! Why didn’t someone make me stay in bed? *shakes head* tsk tsk.

– Go on a date

We figured, heck… our baby’s not home yet, let’s get one last date night in while we can! We went to a local brewery and I got the best burger and fries, before rushing home to pump! This was 2 weeks postpartum, so I was not quite as sore. 5/5 would recommend.

Had a sleepover with my husband in the NICU!

Our NICU had a “family room” right in the unit, which looked kinda like a hotel room with ensuite bathroom. You were allowed to test out your first night with baby before taking them home- it was really cool! The nurses didn’t even bother you all night unless you needed their assistance.

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Surprising things I didn’t do while he was in the NICU

I didn’t take any videos

Our NICU had a strict no-phones policy. I broke it a few times to snap a quick pic of our little one, but we definitely didn’t have time to sneak a whole video! I really wish we would have just closed the curtain and did it anyway! Ah well.

– I barely held my baby

99% of the time during our NICU visits I was pumping or cleaning pump parts. Greg did all the baby holding! For some reason we didn’t stick around… we did baby care, pumping, and feeding, and then went home. Having a baby still felt very surreal to me, especially a NICU baby. I didn’t get that initial bond that many others get. I hear about mommas staying all day to snuggle and even read to their babies, and I still give myself grief over not doing this.

Didn’t see a lactation consultant

I saw three different ones back in the maternity ward before he landed himself in the NICU, but they just tried to help nurse, and didn’t even mention pumping. It was a NICU nurse who taught me how to pump and gave me the tough love I needed to get and stay on a strict pumping schedule. Exclusive pumping worked so well for my family that even when my baby gained the stamina to nurse, we kept right on bottle feeding.

I didn’t change diapers

My husband, who had never held a baby, let alone change any diapers, got thrust into baby care right away. He’s thankful for it! We say the NICU was like, “How to parent 101 class.” They taught us how to feed, burp, change, and bathe our son… all of which I already knew how to do, but was a brand new experience for my husband!

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A message for NICU mommas

If you currently have a baby in the NICU, or may have one in the future, here’s a heartfelt message from me to you:
Your baby’s NICU stay is not your fault. I never understood why people would think it was, but this guilt can creep in anyway. You did nothing wrong. Feel your feelings, but don’t allow guilt to be one of them. Your baby is simply getting the help they need to thrive once they go home with you.
Your baby is in the best possible place for them… right now. You have knowledgeable, experienced doctors and compassionate nurses caring for your sweet little one, alongside you and any family members there with you. It’s a team effort.
You need care too. After all, you just had a baby! Make sure that you are getting enough to eat and drink, and give your body the rest it needs to heal while you wait for your baby to come home.
Build your support system. Now is the time to call upon that church meal train, hire or ask someone to help with tasks around the house, make an appointment with a therapist, or join support groups online to find mommas who have been in similar shoes. The more you feel supported, the better.
And lastly…. have grace with yourself. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, whenever you feel it. There is no right or wrong way to react to having a baby in the NICU. Hang in there, momma.

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Managing Your Freezer Stash

Freezer Stash- n. Collection of surplus breastmilk frozen for later use. Whether you are considering starting up a freezer stash or looking for advice on how to use yours, this post is for you! You might be wondering why it might be beneficial to freeze milk, how best to store it, when and how to begin using it, and how to figure out how long it’ll last! All this and more is coming your way. Read on, momma!
*Trigger warning- This blog post contains images and descriptions of large breastmilk freezer stashes. If this troubles you, please close out of this blog post.*

Disclaimers: This post contains affiliate links and codes from trusted brands. All images in this post were either donated with permission or taken by me.

Do I need a freezer stash?

There’s no cut-and-dry answer for this.

Many mommas who predominately nurse baby at the breast do not choose or need to store extra milk. It may be wise, however, to save a few day’s worth of ounces in the freezer (breastmilk fed babies can take up to 30 ounces a day) in case of emergencies. One momma I worked with was admitted into the hospital with appendicitis without warning and was glad she had a bit of milk stored up! Saving a bit of milk can also come in handy if you’re planning to be apart from baby. If you are planning to be separated from baby over the time you’d nurse, you’ll need to leave milk for the baby, and pump at the time you’d normally nurse.

For exclusive pumpers with oversupply, it’s wise to keep a day or two ahead in the refrigerator, and freeze the rest. This milk can be fed when you begin to wean and extend the time you are able to offer breastmilk. Some mommas choose to donate their extra frozen milk formally (milk bank) or informally (mother-to-mother, directly.)

Mommas who supplement with formula can offer partial breastmilk and partial formula, and freeze the rest. This can actually help exclusive pumpers reduce the number of times they pump daily and have proven to pump for longer than they originally planned because their schedule becomes more manageable. A partial diet of breastmilk is still hugely beneficial to your baby, offering white blood cells and antibodies in addition to daily nutritional benefits.

My personal stash story:

With my first baby, I set a goal to exclusively pump for six months. When I hit the six month mark, I began to reduce my pumping schedule to gain a bit more freedom, and began supplementing with formula. Since my son was starting many other foods at this age, supplementing was not a huge mental hurdle for me- I grouped formula in with all the other foods nurturing my baby that I did not personally make. (You don’t give yourself a hard time for not producing pureed yams and apples with your breasts, right? Just group formula in with other additional nutrition!) I switched to 50/50 breastmilk and formula. I stashed my extra milk in the freezer and was able to not only surpass my original pumping goal, but to offer breastmilk longer than I imagined!
With my second baby, who I also exclusively pumped for, I created an unintentional freezer stash because she was having trouble digesting my milk in addition to a milk protein allergy. I donated 1,000 ounces of frozen breastmilk that contained dairy to another baby. When we discovered that she was digesting my milk comfortably with a 50/50 breastmilk-formula ratio, I was able to stash extra breastmilk and once again feed greater freedom with my pumping schedule and offer breastmilk longer than I imagined.

Check for high lipase!

Lipase is an enzyme found in all breastmilk that helps break down fats. It’s a good thing! But some women struggle with high levels of this enzyme, causing their milk to smell or taste funny. You usually won’t notice the smell until you defrost your milk after freezing. High lipase can cause your milk to smell soapy or metallic. (Breastmilk without high levels of lipase usually has a mild smell or no smell at all, and slightly sweet taste.) High lipase milk is ok for baby to drink, but they may not want to. I strongly encourage you to TEST EARLY for high lipase before stashing away a ton of milk! Freeze and defrost milk early to test this out. How do you “test” your milk? Just thaw some breastmilk and give it to your baby! If baby takes it, no problem! If not, you’ll have to scald your milk BEFORE feeding or try one of the tricks listed in my blog post on high lipase.

How do I store all this milk?

Storing breastmilk in “bricks” can really help freezer space and organization…AND flat bags thaw quicker! I stored 5 ounces of milk per bag, removed as much of the excess air as possible, frozen flat on a tray, and then assembled into bricks of 50 ounces in gallon-size ziplock bags. When freezing super flat using a “freese-it-flat” or between boxes of fish sticks like me, you get reallllly flat bags capable of stacking together nicely in gallon ziplocks! This uniformity makes it very easy to stack and count. Check the image below and the storage page of my website for more information on the logistics of milk storage.

I highly suggest freezing in breastmilk storage bags instead of bottles. More and more companies are making silicone freezer bags as a reusable option. (Save on Junobie brand with code PUMPMOMMA10) Some mommas store smaller quantities of milk in silicone trays and then once frozen, transfer to larger storage containers. (Save on SouperCubes with code PUMPMOMMAPUMP10)

Many mommas end up buying a chest freezer for their breastmilk. I recently helped a friend stock their 5 cubic foot chest freezer with approximately 2,000 ounces of breastmilk. If you are a massive overproducer, you might need a larger chest freezer. We personally purchased a 3.5cu feet smaller model chest freezer and still call it the “milk freezer” to this date (even though it’s now full of chicken nuggets instead of breastmilk!)

How long will it last in the freezer?

Breastmilk is good for up to 12 months in the freezer. The CDC used to specify different lengths of time for different types of freezers. They changed their recommendations to “best by 6 months, good up to 12 months” regardless of freezer style.

First in, First out!

When it’s time to begin using your stash, think “First in, First out!” Make sure to rotate your freezer stash by feeding the oldest milk first, and freezing new milk. When doing the “brick method” as described above, write the MONTH really large on the sides/top of the brick- this way, you can immediately know what milk to pull from the freezer! (You can write a date range if you are really organized, but I find that the month is good enough.)

How do I begin using my stash?

This part is up to you! Here are a few ideas of how I’ve seen mommas use their freezer stash.

  • BOTTLE-A-DAY – Give one bottle of frozen breastmilk per day
  • FREEZER FRIDAYS – Choose one day of the week to use frozen milk
  • DAYCARE – Use frozen breastmilk on daycare days
  • SUPPLEMENT – Go 50/50 with thawed breastmilk and formula, either half bottles of breastmilk and
  • MIX IT UP- Combine frozen and fresh breastmilk in feeding bottles *must be used within 24 hrs of final thaw
  • DONATE – Consider donating excess breastmilk formally (through a milk bank) or informally (direct mother-to-mother donation)
  • EXTEND THE END – Extend the time your baby receives breastmilk by continuing to feed frozen milk after you have weaned from fresh milk production.

For more info on introducing a bottle after exclusively nursing, visit my blog post on the topic.

This beautiful momma donated 2,000 ounces to our friend’s baby after she passed away last November

Safely combining frozen milk with fresh breastmilk or formula

It’s completely fine to combine your frozen breastmilk with freshly expressed breastmilk or formula as long as you do it safely. It’s a wise idea to make sure your baby takes frozen milk first, so you do not waste whatever you mix it with. For mommas with high lipase, mixing it with fresh milk or formula may disguise the stronger flavor of the thawed milk!

When mixing thawed breastmilk with freshly expressed milk, temperatures don’t matter as long as you are feeding it to baby right away. You can even thaw larger amounts and combine with fresh in a pitcher, as long as you use this combined milk within 24 hours of complete thaw (going by recommendations for thawed milk here instead of fresh!)

When mixing thawed breastmilk with formula, prepare formula as directed first, then add thawed breastmilk. Use within 24 hours after mixing. *DO NOT use breastmilk as a replacement for water when preparing powdered formula!* Breastmilk can actually help your baby digest the formula!

I recommend using the Dr Brown’s pitcher

Can I feed my older baby milk from when they were younger?

Absolutely! They will most likely need the same amount, or a tiny bit more, than they current drink. I suggest offering the amount you are used to offering, and heating up more if needed, so you do not waste milk. The only word of caution I have about this comes to colostrum. That thick yellow milk from the first few days after birth is still hugely beneficial to your baby, but may act as a bit of a laxitive if given in concentration, so I suggest diluting it in more mature milk. You can even give an older child your baby’s frozen milk! Some people use it in cereals, smoothies, or sippy cups!

Both my pumplings enjoying my milk!

How long will my stash last?

Here’s where you’ve got to do a bit of math. Take the amount of ounces you froze and divide it by the number of ounces your baby drinks per day. (Example- 1000 ounces divided by 30 oz/day = 33 days of milk.) Most breastmilk-fed babies continue to take the same daily total ounces until they are 12 months old, when most pediatricians suggest increasing solid meals and reducing milk to ~16oz/day.

What about a power outage?

The thought of losing an entire freezer stash is horrifying, isn’t it? I highly suggest equipping your chest freezer with a freezer alarm (they even make wifi freezer alarms now!), and taking the necessary precautions for impending outages. I have an entire blog post on what to do if your power goes out, so be sure to bookmark it incase your house experiences a power outage (especially during hurricane or winter storm seasons!)

Be sure to follow Pump Momma Pump on Instagram for education, motivation, and support! (And more great tips like these!)

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Happy Healthy Momma

Who says you’re “just” a Mom?

Motherhood can seem all-consuming. How is it possible to be the best mom you can be, and still hold onto who you were before baby? Better yet, instead of ‘holding onto’ your past self, how can you evolve as a woman and mother and grow into this new role with grace and confidence?

Read how the following mommas navigated their transition into motherhood:

Renee- Pennsylvania

Looking back to when I felt most adrift, after my first child was born, I wish I had given myself more grace for ‘not feeling like myself’. The feeling of losing myself to the care of another person, of not knowing who this strange exhausted zombie was, scared me. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel ‘normal’ again. When I think about it now, I realize just how normal that feeling is. My body, hormones, schedules, sleep patterns – every normal thing in my life changed, so of course I wasn’t going to feel like myself! I think every mom, stay at home or not, feels like they are a different person for a time, and that’s okay. You will find yourself again, and you’ll like who you’re becoming again. 

One thing that helps me maintain a sense of identity is reconnecting with things that have always been a part of me. The things I loved as a child, or the things I discovered as a teenager, all remind me of who I am and where I come from. I have always loved nature, and so I try to spend time outside both alone and with my kids. I love watching and listening to the things I enjoyed in high school. Those things help me stay grounded, and keep me from fixating on how I imagined myself at this stage of life. I don’t have to look or act like any other mom than the one that I’m specifically designed and called to be. I’m a mom, and I’m also a mom who loves nature, watches cringey dramas, and listens to emo music. Reconnecting with those interests helps me feel like me, and also guides me as I find new interests and introduce my kids to things they can love too. 

Danielle- Georgia

  Being a mother and maintaining oneself apart from motherhood is one of the greatest challenges I have faced. It took me a couple of years into it to even feel brave enough to leave my child behind to make a grocery run without her. One child turned into two, and finally I slowly stopped putting myself dead last. I realized that prioritizing my mental health was not just an act of love for myself, but for my children too. Getting there however, was anything but easy. 
    I’m a younger mother still in my mid-twenties, so having an authentic sense of self aside from motherhood has been somewhat of a foreign concept for me. Battling existing mental health issues, tacking on postpartum depression, and having two children within two years was a whirlwind of survival mode. But through therapy, time apart from my kids spent with friends, and alone time to just really exist as someone other than “mom” for a bit – I’ve found pieces of myself along the way. 
    At times that alone time looked like taking my first vacation alone with some friends, and not feeling guilty at all that I left my children behind for a few days with my husband. At times it looks like hiding out in my room watching TV and eating snacks on a bad mental health day while my husband takes over. And a lot of times, it looks like me kissing the kids goodbye to run some errands in peace. I have learned that I need to have time alone to stay “me,” and I’ve learned to not feel ashamed because of it. Now I know that I’m a loving mother, AND a billion other things. We are all happier for it, too.

Molly- Minnesota

I grew up watching love stories unfold through the TV — the tale of torn hearts, the trials to get back to one another and many others in-between. The tugging and pulling of relationships that I watched then was actually mirroring how my heart felt as a working mom, especially in those first few months. A torn heart trying to get back to familiarity, fulfillment and peace.

In one light, I was a new mom and in the other I was a career person — not to mention the many other hats worn as a person in general. It was a race between worlds and one where I couldn’t see the finish line — identity crisis might be the more formal term. It’s wasn’t easy and it wasn’t always clear; I asked myself many times if I was making the right choice in returning to work at 12 weeks postpartum.

But peace came.

Around 6 months of age with both of my babies, I finally hit that place of solitude I was begging for — that place where you know you’re where you’re meant to be. Being a mother with a career outside of the home is the place for me. Yes, it has come with hardship, but it also comes with empowerment, trust and some of the best relationships.

I have learned how to live a life not trying to “balance” it all but instead flow with the ever changing patterns. I have learned that help is a good thing and support is essential. I have learned who I am as a person and not by just one defined role.

Erica- New Jersey

Becoming a mother added real complexity to my career and personal life but it didn’t in anyway take away from my passion, drive or ability. In fact, motherhood has made me the leader I am today in more ways than one and for that I am eternally grateful.

I think losing ourselves, to an extent, is a requirement to be a good mother. Adding an entire new human being without changing who we are would be impossible. Becoming a completely different person doesn’t seem healthy, but letting your child’s existence affect yours? Normal. In my experience, continuing to try to do everything while being a mom was more of my natural tendency than giving up all of myself for the kids. I had to think and work hard to embrace the mom role. Here are two ways that I have tried to conquer my natural selfishness while maintaining The Essence of Erica:

Learning how to improve my parenting by reading books, listening to podcasts and taking courses-understanding what they heck these kids are doing and why makes me feel more capable. I like to work hard, be capable and see improvement, so my unofficial Continuing Education feels true to myself and good for my kids. Repeatedly hearing that other mothers experienced similar difficulties was an added bonus.

I found ways to pursue my interests, but sometimes altering them to include or fit kids. I enjoy the occasional craft. Sewing tiny outfits for beloved stuffed animals or opening the craft drawer and producing necklace making supplies delight my children and let me exercise that creative muscle. Hosting Cold Treat Tuesday every week this summer is giving me a chance to try new dessert recipes and everybody is glad to be a taste tester.

If you are also a mother who doesn’t want to let all of her pre-kids life fall away and wants to invite her kids into her world, perhaps a suggestion of mine can help.

Melissa- Pennsylvania

And lastly, you’ll hear from me:

I always wanted to be a mom, but several years before I became a mother I had a moment of panic. Choosing motherhood seemed so permanent. I liked change. I like reinventing myself and trying and learning new things, new relationships, new hobbies, options. I didn’t want to trade that in for a permanent role as “mom” for the rest of my life… did I? It seemed boring. My cousin, a mother of multiple children, reassured me that there is nothing “boring” about motherhood and that now you get to grow as a woman AND watch your kids grow and change and constantly get interested in new things.

After having children, I quickly learned how right she was. This motherhood business isn’t boring, and there’s nothing but constant change, challenge, and growth. I can pursue my career(s), my hobbies, and relationships with friends and family that evolve along with me. I can watch my kids grow and become unique humans with their own personalities and interests, somehow both because of, and despite, my own influences on them.

I don’t want to stay who I was before I became a mother. I worked hard to be the woman I am right now, and I’m still working on myself. I like who I am becoming, more and more every day. I don’t want to be defined by my role as a mother, but I want that role to be a beautiful facet of who I am, along with all of other beautiful facets of my life.