Surprising things I did while my baby was in the NICU

You don’t know what you don’t know… you know?
I’d never known anyone who had a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and I certainly didn’t plan on having a baby need the NICU… so it was uncharted territory for us. With September being NICU Awareness Month, I’ve been reflecting on my experience and found some of it surprising! While most of the blog posts here at Pump Momma Pump are designed as helpful guides, this post is more of a reflection of my own experience. But hey… if you’re a NICU momma or a new mom in general, some of it may resonate!

Find yourself needing advice for pumping in the NICU? This blog post may help!

Born a month early, my son aced the APGAR test right away but quickly developed jaundice and needed to spend 2 weeks in the NICU gaining the stamina and skills to nurse or bottle feed. During those two weeks, I did some pretty curious things… and didn’t do some things people would assume I should do.

Surprising things I did while he was in the NICU

– Go grocery shopping

On the way home from the hospital, we went grocery shopping. I remember slowly shuffling through the store, careful not to disturb my painful stitches from my perineal tear. Why didn’t I go home to rest and send my husband? Or at least wait in the car? Silly of me. Hind site really is 20/20, isn’t it!

– Bake a cake for my mother in law

Like what the actual…? I distinctly remember that my mother-in-law was coming to stay for a few days, so I thought I should bake a cake. Me. The one who just had a baby a few days ago… Like, what?! Why didn’t someone bake a cake for me? I’m still sore about that.
(My mother in law and I have a fabulous relationship, by the way…. still.)

– Build a crib

I was in no condition to build a crib (okay, well, assemble a crib) Who let me do that?

– Get a pedicure

A to-do list item in that last month before baby’s arrival was to get a pedicure. Since he arrived early, this didn’t happen in time. My husband even went with me! (though he didn’t get polish, lol) It felt indulgent at the time, but I am glad we did it! It was a nice distraction from the stress of the NIC

– Went to a rummage sale

Looking back on photos for this post, I just saw a picture of my mom and me at our local rummage sale. Totally forgot about that! I remember now, that my mom and I visited my son in the NICU, then went to Panera for lunch, and shopped at the rummage sale. I even have a necklace on?! Boy I was really livin’ it up! Why didn’t someone make me stay in bed? *shakes head* tsk tsk.

– Go on a date

We figured, heck… our baby’s not home yet, let’s get one last date night in while we can! We went to a local brewery and I got the best burger and fries, before rushing home to pump! This was 2 weeks postpartum, so I was not quite as sore. 5/5 would recommend.

– Had a sleepover with my husband in the NICU!

Our NICU had a “family room” right in the unit, which looked kinda like a hotel room with ensuite bathroom. You were allowed to test out your first night with baby before taking them home- it was really cool! The nurses didn’t even bother you all night unless you needed their assistance.

Surprising things I didn’t do while he was in the NICU

– I didn’t take any videos

Our NICU had a strict no-phones policy. I broke it a few times to snap a quick pic of our little one, but we definitely didn’t have time to sneak a whole video! I really wish we would have just closed the curtain and did it anyway! Ah well.

– I barely held my baby

99% of the time during our NICU visits I was pumping or cleaning pump parts. Greg did all the baby holding! For some reason we didn’t stick around… we did baby care, pumping, and feeding, and then went home. Having a baby still felt very surreal to me, especially a NICU baby. I didn’t get that initial bond that many others get. I hear about mommas staying all day to snuggle and even read to their babies, and I still give myself grief over not doing this.

– Didn’t see a lactation consultant

I saw three different ones back in the maternity ward before he landed himself in the NICU, but they just tried to help nurse, and didn’t even mention pumping. It was a NICU nurse who taught me how to pump and gave me the tough love I needed to get and stay on a strict pumping schedule. Exclusive pumping worked so well for my family that even when my baby gained the stamina to nurse, we kept right on bottle feeding.

– I didn’t change diapers

My husband, who had never held a baby, let alone change any diapers, got thrust into baby care right away. He’s thankful for it! We say the NICU was like, “How to parent 101 class.” They taught us how to feed, burp, change, and bathe our son… all of which I already knew how to do, but was a brand new experience for my husband!

A message for NICU mommas

If you currently have a baby in the NICU, or may have one in the future, here’s a heartfelt message from me to you:
Your baby’s NICU stay is not your fault. I never understood why people would think it was, but this guilt can creep in anyway. You did nothing wrong. Feel your feelings, but don’t allow guilt to be one of them. Your baby is simply getting the help they need to thrive once they go home with you.
Your baby is in the best possible place for them… right now. You have knowledgeable, experienced doctors and compassionate nurses caring for your sweet little one, alongside you and any family members there with you. It’s a team effort.
You need care too. After all, you just had a baby! Make sure that you are getting enough to eat and drink, and give your body the rest it needs to heal while you wait for your baby to come home.
Build your support system. Now is the time to call upon that church meal train, hire or ask someone to help with tasks around the house, make an appointment with a therapist, or join support groups online to find mommas who have been in similar shoes. The more you feel supported, the better.
And lastly…. have grace with yourself. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, whenever you feel it. There is no right or wrong way to react to having a baby in the NICU. Hang in there, momma.