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Surprising things I did while my baby was in the NICU

You don’t know what you don’t know… you know?
I’d never known anyone who had a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and I certainly didn’t plan on having a baby need the NICU… so it was uncharted territory for us. With September being NICU Awareness Month, I’ve been reflecting on my experience and found some of it surprising! While most of the blog posts here at Pump Momma Pump are designed as helpful guides, this post is more of a reflection of my own experience. But hey… if you’re a NICU momma or a new mom in general, some of it may resonate!

Find yourself needing advice for pumping in the NICU? This blog post may help!

Born a month early, my son aced the APGAR test right away but quickly developed jaundice and needed to spend 2 weeks in the NICU gaining the stamina and skills to nurse or bottle feed. During those two weeks, I did some pretty curious things… and didn’t do some things people would assume I should do.

Surprising things I did while he was in the NICU

Go grocery shopping

On the way home from the hospital, we went grocery shopping. I remember slowly shuffling through the store, careful not to disturb my painful stitches from my perineal tear. Why didn’t I go home to rest and send my husband? Or at least wait in the car? Silly of me. Hind site really is 20/20, isn’t it!

Bake a cake for my mother in law

Like what the actual…? I distinctly remember that my mother-in-law was coming to stay for a few days, so I thought I should bake a cake. Me. The one who just had a baby a few days ago… Like, what?! Why didn’t someone bake a cake for me? I’m still sore about that.
(My mother in law and I have a fabulous relationship, by the way…. still.)

Build a crib

I was in no condition to build a crib (okay, well, assemble a crib) Who let me do that?

Get a pedicure

A to-do list item in that last month before baby’s arrival was to get a pedicure. Since he arrived early, this didn’t happen in time. My husband even went with me! (though he didn’t get polish, lol) It felt indulgent at the time, but I am glad we did it! It was a nice distraction from the stress of the NIC

– Went to a rummage sale

Looking back on photos for this post, I just saw a picture of my mom and me at our local rummage sale. Totally forgot about that! I remember now, that my mom and I visited my son in the NICU, then went to Panera for lunch, and shopped at the rummage sale. I even have a necklace on?! Boy I was really livin’ it up! Why didn’t someone make me stay in bed? *shakes head* tsk tsk.

– Go on a date

We figured, heck… our baby’s not home yet, let’s get one last date night in while we can! We went to a local brewery and I got the best burger and fries, before rushing home to pump! This was 2 weeks postpartum, so I was not quite as sore. 5/5 would recommend.

Had a sleepover with my husband in the NICU!

Our NICU had a “family room” right in the unit, which looked kinda like a hotel room with ensuite bathroom. You were allowed to test out your first night with baby before taking them home- it was really cool! The nurses didn’t even bother you all night unless you needed their assistance.

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Surprising things I didn’t do while he was in the NICU

I didn’t take any videos

Our NICU had a strict no-phones policy. I broke it a few times to snap a quick pic of our little one, but we definitely didn’t have time to sneak a whole video! I really wish we would have just closed the curtain and did it anyway! Ah well.

– I barely held my baby

99% of the time during our NICU visits I was pumping or cleaning pump parts. Greg did all the baby holding! For some reason we didn’t stick around… we did baby care, pumping, and feeding, and then went home. Having a baby still felt very surreal to me, especially a NICU baby. I didn’t get that initial bond that many others get. I hear about mommas staying all day to snuggle and even read to their babies, and I still give myself grief over not doing this.

Didn’t see a lactation consultant

I saw three different ones back in the maternity ward before he landed himself in the NICU, but they just tried to help nurse, and didn’t even mention pumping. It was a NICU nurse who taught me how to pump and gave me the tough love I needed to get and stay on a strict pumping schedule. Exclusive pumping worked so well for my family that even when my baby gained the stamina to nurse, we kept right on bottle feeding.

I didn’t change diapers

My husband, who had never held a baby, let alone change any diapers, got thrust into baby care right away. He’s thankful for it! We say the NICU was like, “How to parent 101 class.” They taught us how to feed, burp, change, and bathe our son… all of which I already knew how to do, but was a brand new experience for my husband!

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A message for NICU mommas

If you currently have a baby in the NICU, or may have one in the future, here’s a heartfelt message from me to you:
Your baby’s NICU stay is not your fault. I never understood why people would think it was, but this guilt can creep in anyway. You did nothing wrong. Feel your feelings, but don’t allow guilt to be one of them. Your baby is simply getting the help they need to thrive once they go home with you.
Your baby is in the best possible place for them… right now. You have knowledgeable, experienced doctors and compassionate nurses caring for your sweet little one, alongside you and any family members there with you. It’s a team effort.
You need care too. After all, you just had a baby! Make sure that you are getting enough to eat and drink, and give your body the rest it needs to heal while you wait for your baby to come home.
Build your support system. Now is the time to call upon that church meal train, hire or ask someone to help with tasks around the house, make an appointment with a therapist, or join support groups online to find mommas who have been in similar shoes. The more you feel supported, the better.
And lastly…. have grace with yourself. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, whenever you feel it. There is no right or wrong way to react to having a baby in the NICU. Hang in there, momma.

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Be sure to follow Pump Momma Pump on Instagram for education, motivation, and support! (And more great tips like these!)

Pumping Support

Pumping in the NICU

Welcome to the NICU club. You probably didn’t plan to be here…. but here you are. Let’s make the best of it, together. See what keeps pumping mommas motivated during their time in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), and make sure to check out the ultimate Pumping Supply List for NICU Mommas!

First, my own NICU experience:

I am often hesitant to talk about my NICU experience because we were only there for two weeks. Recently, I was reminded by Project NICU: “There is no such thing as “ONLY” in the NICU. Regardless of your length of stay, your NICU experience matters. Regardless of the degree of medical complexity, your NICU experience matters. Regardless of your baby’s gestational age, your NICU experience matters. Regardless of what your NICU journey looked like, your NICU experience matters. Do not compare your journey to someone else’s. What you experienced in the NICU and all of the emotions and thoughts you have surrounding it are valid.”

The story

Our first baby arrived, much to our surprise, one month early. While the birth went well and he aced that initial APGAR score, he lacked the stamina to nurse, which landed him in the NICU for two weeks. Leaving the hospital without my baby was heartbreaking, but only for a moment- I reminded myself that I had a baby, and he was well cared for in the NICU. He was gavage-fed through a tube that ran into his nose, down his throat, and into his stomach, until he could latch and transfer properly from a bottle. His vitals were monitored with several wires attached to various places on his small body- baby robot. Since he was otherwise healthy, we were able to hold him, change him, and eventually feed him.

Speaking of feeding… here is where I owe an eternal debt to one very special NICU nurse- She taught me to exclusively pump. I saw three lactation consultants employed by the hospital, each forcing the idea of nursing and not even mentioning pumping. It was this NICU nurse who not only taught me how to use a pump, but gave me much-needed tough love to stay on my frequent pump schedule of every 3 hours, day and night. The nurses celebrated every mL of breastmilk I brought in as though it were quite literally liquid gold. I pumped while my husband fed, and we both did skin-to-skin holding our son before leaving until the next visit. It was because of this experience that I discovered that exclusive pumping worked so well for our family that I chose to do it again for our second baby. It was because of this experience that I started Pump Momma Pump, in fact. See? Eternal debt.

If you asked my husband, he’d agree- we loved the NICU. It was like “How to be a parent 101.” The nurses taught us everything, which was extremely helpful for my husband, who had no prior experience with babies. We got time to finish doing what we planned to do in that 9th month of pregnancy I didn’t get to have- build the crib, put the baby gifts and clothes away, install and get the car seat installation approved (surprise, we did it incorrectly. Go get your car seat checked!). We even got one last date and pedicure.
We spent the night before discharge in the NICU “family room” which was like a mock hotel room a family can sleep in to practice their first night with their baby. So cool, right? While I am aware that our NICU experience differs from other’s… I remind you about what Project NICU said- “Do not compare your journey to someone else’s. What you experienced in the NICU and all of the emotions and thoughts you have surrounding it are valid.”

My mommas were asked… What helped you survive pumping in the NICU?

The NICU can be really Here is what kept my mommas motivated to pump for their NICU babies: (All are direct quotes from the Instagram, community)

  • Watching baby grow stronger because of my milk.
  • Pumping kept us linked through distance. I thought about my baby every minute of every pumping session. It was the only motivation I needed.
  • Pumping for my twins in the NICU was rewarding and stressful but luckily I got the point and made more than enough for them. Pumping helped me navigate through my emotions during that difficult time
  • Every milk delivery was relief baby was getting some antibodies. 
  • Pumping was actually a way to get my mind off things, it was something mindless for me- since I was stressed the whole time my baby was in the NICU.
  • Knowing I was giving my baby food to stay alive is what kept me going.
  • Our hospitals had cameras we could access at home so I could watch baby live while I pumped
  • Creating a daily routine/schedule and sticking to it!
  • The nurses! They were so positive and upbeat- They treated his like normal people!
  • I took photos and videos to watch at home
  • The feeling of wanting to help my little one grow so he could come home sooner.
  • A strong support system goes a long way
  • This was the only thing I could do for my babe when he was going through so much. It made me all the more determined to be able to give him this one thing!
  • Asking for a screen to pump next to the crib instead of going into the pumping room
  • Using the hospital-grade pump
  • Watching my milk come in. I felt like it [pumping] was the one thing that I could control.
  • The nurses! No matter how much I pumped, they made me feel like it was huge.
  • Honestly I didn’t like pumping while she was in the NICU. But I was unhappy the entire time, any moment I spent away from her. I did eventually start pumping in the NICU while I watched her sleep. That was more enjoyable 

Pumping for Your NICU Baby

Like many of the mommas in the Pump Momma Pump community said, pumping can be a way to feel connected to your baby while you are apart, to focus on what you can control, when everything else seems out of control.
Here are my top tips for pumping in the NICU:

  • Get a manual pump and learn how to use it. (This post could help.) The manual pump could be more effective in extracting colustrum in those first days after birth.
  • Use the hospital’s pump- it should be stronger, and they should be able to provide you with all the accessories you need.
  • Bring your own pump to the hospital so that someone can show you how to use it at home. If you didn’t get one through insurance yet, do that now.
  • Book a lactation consultation if you cannot get one at the hospital.
  • Get your flanges sized by someone who knows what they are talking about. If the hospital’s staff sizes you above the standard 24mm, I can almost guarantee you that they are wrong. Trust. Me. Purchase some correctly sized flanges on Amazon.
  • Wash your accessories well and sterilize every time. (You can do this less often once you get baby home- be extra careful about cleaning while in the hospital.) Use my list below to see what items could help, if the hospital does not supply everything you need.
  • Do skin-to-skin with your baby/babies or have your partner do skin-to-skin. Heck, if you have another family member who is willing, any skin-to-skin can really help, if you are able.
  • If they allow it, bring something into your NICU to help you feel comfortable while pumping, like a lap blanket and pillow, or a fuzzy cardigan, jacket, or robe sweater to drape over your shoulders. It can get cold in there!
  • Read or sing to your baby. Hold your baby’s small hand while talking to them if you cannot hold them. There are so many ways to bond with your NICU baby!
  • Get on a pumping schedule of every 3 hours, around the clock, and stick to it.
  • Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating and drinking. If you had a rough birth, REST and take the time at home to heal. Ask for help.
  • Now might be a great time to find a therapist if you don’t have one. I am super pro-therapy and you’ll have A LOT of emotions to work through. Helps to have some tools in your toolbox tow work through them- a therapist can help.
  • Treat yourself if you can. Go on a date, even if it’s a breakfast or lunch date. Get that mani/pedi or get your hair cut/colored, if that’s your style. You’ll get much busier when baby gets home!

Pumping Supply List for NICU Mommas

Your Neonatal Intensive Care Unit may supply everything you need to pump, so before you go buying everything off this list, make sure to ask your NICU nurses for pumping supplies. Then, cross-check this list to make sure you have everything you need!

Know a brand new momma with a baby in the NICU? Be a godsend and share this blog post! Better yet, ask her how you can support her on this journey! We NICU mommas can use all the support we can get!

Be sure to follow Pump Momma Pump on Instagram for education, motivation, and support! (And more great tips like these!)

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